Back 'n' Better!!!

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't ... Tue, 16 Aug 2011 04:59:13 +0000 Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates." About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best ... Tue, 16 Aug 2011 00:59:13 +0000 What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian? Only the first one can make you smile.

What is a man's idea of foreplay? Mon, 15 Aug 2011 20:59:13 +0000 What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. ... Mon, 15 Aug 2011 16:59:13 +0000 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!

Father: "How do you like going to school? Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:59:13 +0000 Father: "How do you like going to school?" Son: "The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!"

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large ... Mon, 15 Aug 2011 08:59:13 +0000 One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny." Little Johnny: "Good morning!"Father Scott, what is this?" Father Scott:"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Little Johnny:"Which service, the 9: 45 or the 11: 15?"

Husband: "Want a quickie? Mon, 15 Aug 2011 04:59:13 +0000 Husband: "Want a quickie?" Wife: "As opposed to what?"

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? Mon, 15 Aug 2011 00:59:13 +0000 How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? 1) A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change. 2) None, they like to keep employees in the dark. 3) "This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile ..." 4) "We've formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder."

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell ... Sun, 14 Aug 2011 20:59:13 +0000 Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."